Ok, I took an aids test last week. Well, to be accurate, I took all the tests. But there's only one I'm really worried about. Funny that. We're all so concerned wth Aids. Hep B is a motherfucker too, you know? Shortened life space, liver disease. No thanks. Even though the results for everything else are ready today, Im not going in. I want all the bad news at once. I don't want to be cleared of all the OTHER stuff, then be told I've got Aids. Oh - and I AM expecting bad news. I'm a wreck. What's the matter with me? I don't sleep around. Honest. I can't take this pressure!! So I've decided that i'm going to live my life another way. No, I'm not going to have less sex. No, I'm not going to use condoms more. I'm just going to Assume that I've got aids. Always. As soon as i've had sex one time, with one girl without a condom - that's it! I've got AIDS! That way, when I get the negative test result, I'm really happy. Im calling everyone i know "HEY!! I DON'T HAVE AIDS!! PARTY AT MY HOUSE NEXT WEEKEND! YEAAA!!!! IT'S MY THIRD "I DONT HAVE AIDS AND IM NOT GOING TO DIE PARTY! EVERYONE IS INVITED obviously dont invite people that have aids, as that would be really awkward for them. They should have attended the "I HAVE AIDS AND I'M GOING TO DIE PARTY" - which I held the month before... (just after I had sex with the dodgy girl with three front teeth,) you know? That was the party for them. Ok, maybe its a bit over the top. But hey, any excuse to throw a party right? So in a week, when I post the result, theres going to be a little shin dig people. AIDS ROCKS!! (Well, uh you know what I mean) oh and since were on the subject, while I was cruising around looking at AIDS statistics (yes, working out the statistical probability that Ive got aids as we all do when you go for the test fun for the whole fun family) I discovered a very interesting statistic. Check this out.
For one particular region, It said the new H.I.V cases for whites was 11800, blacks, 19000. (about 50% more. And For new cases for whites, 395000, blacks, 398000. (Almost the same) Does this means some white people are going straight to aids? Thats nice. Can you see this conversation?
Husband Honey, Ive come back from the doctor. Ive got good news and Ive got bad news.
Wife Give me the good news first
Husband Ok the good news is, I havent got H.I.V
Wife Oh thank god. Oh thank you Jesus. Praise the lord! Whats the bad news?
Husband Ive got Aids baby, I got Aids. Thats right - straight to aids. I dont fuck around. Well, I do, thats why Ive got aids.
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