I've been doing lots of thinking recently. A recent chat with ace brought to forefront of my mind some things that I've been piecing together about “getting a girl”
I'm sure i'm mentioned some if not all of these things in previous posts - but as i've come to realize - often epiphanies come to you over time - not always in a sudden moment of clarity.
Basically pure direct game rarely works. As soon as a girl gets a wiff that you want to fuck her, it’s game over. We’re talking about most “real life” situations (aka daygame) – obviously nightclubs are an exception to this
I’ve actually had a friendship with this girl for a few weeks now and my interaction with her perfectly describes how one should go about getting a girl.
I’d met this girl as she was working in a shop. As soon as I entered the shop I was just having a laugh. I made an entrance, said something inappropriate and then said “ok I’ll come in again” … after a couple of minutes of joking around I just brought up some interesting conversational topics. I had a book on re-incarnation so we talked about that – her travels … how thaiwan was awesome and under rated. I actually hung out with her a while, maybe 15 or 20 minutes. I said stuff to her like “wow you are really interesting. I would love to carry on this conversation. We have to hang out!!” and she was like “yea totally!”
I didn’t hit on her – some light flirting but – not properly. I didn’t mention her looks. The reason for this was – I wasn’t attracted to her! I was genuinely interested in her because she was cool, fun, and interesting! I wanted to hang out with her again for those reasons!
Since that day we’ve hung out a few times and it’s been a blast. Tho I flirt with her relentlessly we are still just friends. She’s super into me. Here’s one text she send me the other day. (it’s pretty gay)
What a bright, beautiful & shiny day! Though not as bright, beautiful & shiny as u! J xoxox
And she often sends stuff like “hey hope you are having a great day. You rock! Xoxo”
I know that if I made a move, I could sleep with her.
Now – the reason she really likes me two fold.
1) we have good chemistry
2) I never weirded her out or made her think I wanted anything other than to be her friend
Now that she’s gotten to know me, she’s after me. I didn’t have to do anything – in fact all I did that was different from my other interactions with women is this: I didn’t hit on her and took a genuine interest in her long enough for her to get to know me.
The reason for this is, I’m just not that attracted to her.
Here’s something I’ve never admitted before. I find it difficult taking a genuine interest in girls who I think are super hot – even if they are interesting girls! I can’t focus on the conversation, Especially if it’s going well. Why? Because In the back of my mind I’m screaming “OH MY GOD! THIS IS GOING WELL! SHE LIKES ME! I THINK I COULD SLEEP WITH THIS GIRL!”
Deep down, I’m still in awe of her good looks. Deep down, I’m still treatint the woman as the prize.
So, inevitably they pick up on this… or I convey too much interest and I blow myself out. I’ll often get their number – but – when the girls think back to the interaction they’ll puzzle it together and realize I was just after one thing. And then … it’s game over.
That’s it! It explains why all those girls didn’t answer when I’d called: ignored my message, or texts. Girls that gave me ioi’s – laughed at my jokes. Girls that LIKED ME. But none of that really makes a difference, if they figure out what you’re “after.”
The solution: well, you can either act like you want to get to know them… or do what (to me) seems even more obvious
Get to a point where you take a genuine interest in people!
This is actually what I’ve sub consciously been doing over the last few weeks. Just being friendly and really talking to people. Seeing what makes them tick. And I’ve made a whole bunch of cool new friends!
The wacky tv software guy
The chef
The bouncer
Brazlian girl
The geeky girl
Maybe the portugeese girl
Maybe the dorkygeekyfunny girl (if she ever calls me back, lol)
They are all awesome people!
I find it absolutely ridiculous that after being fairly anti mystery method … that the underlying principles are, in fact – correct.
It IS better to show value, have the girl give you IOI’s before you give her IOI’s back because then she’s chasing you. It makes YOU the prize, not her. It HAS to be the way, or it doesn’t work anywhere near as often! As swinggcat would say “women are not attracted to men who are not the prize!”
I think the reason I was against MM was that I knew it made guys weird and that It was against the idea of using other people’s material. I was against “routines”
However – it made guys weird because they would use these “lines” and “routines” without understand the underlying foundations of why they worked. Suddenly, they’re having success with women. But – sleeping with women in itself is not true success. These guys would just have one night stands (or maybe a couple of dates) with these girls … but they saw these girls as the prize and this came thru in their words and actions. The girls would see this outer cocky/alpha shell was surrounding a flawed, insecure man and would leave them. This is why inner game is so important
Outer game without inner game cannot bring you true and viable success with women. It’s like having having the body of a sports car without an engine. Sure, it will get you the girl. But where are you doing to take her? What are you going to show her? As soon as she realizes it’s just an empty shell – she’s out of there!
Its better to have a solid engine on a buick than have a Ferrari exterior and no engine. It will take a little longer for her to be into you, sure. But once she sees that solid engine – the substance – she won’t care the exterior isn’t all shiny. She’ll be into you.
I find it highly ironic that’s it’s taken me … years to figure this out – especially as I was good friends with the creator of mystery at the time of it’s birth. But once again, this only goes to show that reading only gets to so far. Experience is the only true great educator…. In game anyways
It is a further irony that you are all, reading this right now. Hehe
What does this all mean? Well, for me – in addition to being less funny, it means I have to get PAST a girls looks. How do I do that? Maybe I should hire a group of super hot girls to just hang around me all the time? Then I’d grow immune to it?
Or wait – I could use this very revelation to make friends with a bunch of hot girls … but guess what! If I got to know them properly – they’d inevitably want to sleep with me as well – which would render the entire experiment useless! Ha!
Either way, it’s a win/win situation
My new goal: just make make friends with super hot girls. take an interest in them. Truly befriend them. Find their inner beauty. How ironic as well that to GET girls, we have to become like them and appreciate people’s inner beauty
(I’ve got a joke (and I’ve blogged about this before) where a girl says to me “you have to meet my friend, she’s BEAUTIFUL!!” … then u meet her and she’s like an overweight, ugly ass nice girl. i believe in that post I’d said “that’s the problem with girls – they just see people’s inner beauty!”
Well, that’s not their problem. That is their gift.
That is the way to truly achieve success with women
All the people in this world are filled with inner beauty. As a PUA – as a man - I choose to spend my time getting to know the inner beauty in girls that are externally beautiful. That is my preference. Just like, some guys like fat girls. Some guys like Chinese girls. I like hot girls. But, even this is becoming less important….I don’t think I’m quite enlightened enough to start dating really sweet, fascinating ugly girls ;) …. Not yet anyways
After writing this post, it is also becoming apparent to me the relevance, and power of social circle game. Hmm…