ok this all happened over the weekend - i've been a very busy boy, and me and yen wanted to like post a think together. he came round today, but he'd fucked ANOTHER girl last night and didn't have the enery to do shit, so he said "just post your fucking version up and i'll put mine up later..." so here it is. now i have a shit memory so it's just best i could come up with. I'm sure there will be edits and probably discrepencies etc but like i said - it's all a bit blurry but here goes!!
note: As i'm posting this, photobucket have made some changes (added a new feature) and it's IMPOSSIBLE to resize photo's using their site. i don't have any photo editing software so i'm afriad it's going to be the full size images until either photobucket, or myself, get our shit together.
Wed - I go over to yen’s.He shows me his vids of him fucking all these bitches. The funny part was when he looks at the camera with his horny cummy face. It’s ackward to say the least. It completely cracked me up. Good stuff though – better than almost all the porn I’ve seen. Honestly. Really good stuff.
So we’re chillin and he’s says he’s going to cheapskates. We get some food beforehand but I’m not planning on going in there … I say I’ll do some gaming out side of the club but that’s it. He’s trying to get me to come in and I’m like “no! it’s shit! Fuck off!” and he’s like “come onnnn duuuuuude” and I’m like “nooo duuuuuuuude – let’s have some fun out here for a bit” …
So the bouncer is being a fucking complete retard. He’s like “you can’t stand there you’re blocking the way” and we’re like “there’s nobody here. Nobody. This is sidewalk. Public property, go away” and he just keeps going on and on. If I can ever invent a virus that just kills every bouncer on the spot I’d really do it. I wouldn’t even hesitate. 99.9% of them are complete fucking areseholes – it would be better for the world, even though some innocent ones would die. A wise man once said, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few
Anyways some hottie passes and yen spots her “there’s one!”
I say “run, motherfucker!!”
We run up to her, one on each side. I can’t remember what the opener was, I think “hey, you’re pretty hot. You wanna come for a spitroast with me and my friend?”
Whatever it was, we were straight up telling her we want to spitroast her pretty early. We get to talking to her about whatever shit, after we get her to sit and I ask her if she’s good at massages. She said yea and I said “ I bet I’m better but let’s what you got” and she gives me a rub down. Eventually we swap and I’m massaging her and yen get’s in front of her and she’s massaging him. Then I stop being funny and let yen go into some serious qualification. He’s writing a details report on that so I won’t go into it – but, there was a lot of qualification. Like loads and loads!
We start walking with her the way she wants to go, but then yen said “walk us to our bustop” … we get there and we both know the plan it to abduct her. We kinda try once and she’s not having it. More and more buses come and we keep chatting. Eventually she wanders off. I said to him after “we were gonna just pick her up and put her on the bus!” and he said “yea, I forgot!” … he was just running his mouth telling stories and I think he did actually forget lol…. (such a blabbermouth!)
So more than once when we asker her about the spitroast she said “ok but not tonight” … and she was sober. I said to yen after she left “I think it may actually happen with her. I’d give it about 70% in our favor” and he says “yeah, eighty”
Ok so, we both text her fun stuff on the way home (yen had turned my “I promise not to call you more than 20 times a day) line on it’s head and said “we promise to stalk you and call you 20 times a day” and she replied and stuff…
We agree that we’re either both gonna roast her or nothing.
Friday -
We try 3 way call her but it doesn’t work. I actually go over there just so we can call her and convince her to come and meet us on Sunday for roast. For hours though we end up swapping dead numbers of hot chix with each other along with details about we’d fucked it up (back when we had weaker game) and details about the girls. He actually called a couple of my girls and one of the calls went great!! Like the chick was totally into it, LOVING it! I think he may actually meet up with her, hahaha
Another one kept asking him “is that alex? Come on, alex?” so I got the phone off him… she actually thought that was me before doing a funny voice. Hahaha. Ugh she’s boring, there’s confusion – I actually though he’d called ANOTHER girl from my list. I was like “huh what? Wait, who are you? (yen says “hang up!” so I say Oh sorry wrong number” and hung up. Got she was boring. Hot though. I can’t be bothered
Then I called one of his girls but it was voicemail, I left a message… no reply
Oh another one he left a message for called him and they chatted but she was sad cuz her gran had died. Hehe. It was goin nowhere so he let her go. Amazing tho if your frame is strong and you’re having fun girls will talk to you even if you can’t tell them where you met them. We just kept turning it around on them “What? You don’t know who this is? You just give your number out to anybody? I bet if a homeless guy asked u for change you’d say “no but you can have my number … “
So, as a little fun goal we’re going to try and lay one of each other’s old # closes/flakes. Hahaha I know we’ll do it.
Yen “When I’m fucking her, I’m going to say “I got your number from Sasha! Hahaha”
Anyways eventually we call the girl, I chat with her first. Ten minutes, just get her talking and laughing. I ask her what she’s up to tonight. Now yen had said he had tickets to “anti christ” and that I should come. I was going to stay in, but hey, if it’s free tickets, I said what the hell. So as soon as she said she’s just going home I was like “hang on, talk to Yen” .. I put him on the phone to her, and 10 mins later he says “ok dude – she’s coming to the club with us, and then she’s coming over after. We’re gonna do the spitroast!!” I start panicking a bit. Like oh fuck. Shit. I dunno if I can do it!
Yen
“You’re not pussing out now you fuck! Hang on, what if she takes her clohes of and she’s fucking rank under there. Like she’s all scarred up and shit. Dude I won’t be able to get rid of her. I’m too nice. That’s going to be your job if it goes wrong!”
Sasha “Yea I’ll say to her “bitch, there’s been a mistake. Get the fuck out!” hah!
Yen “If she’s like not shaved, forget it dude, I won’t be able to do it”
Sasha “so call her and say “you better shave your pussy, motherfucker! Just tell her!”
Yen “alright”
Sasha “Uh, hang on. How shaved is your shit”
Yen “there’s nothing”
Sasha “I might have to touch up a little”
Yen “When’s the last time you cut your pubes off?”
Sasha “Off?”
Yen “Let me see your shit”
Sasha (shows pubes)
Yen “DUUUUDDEE GO AND SHAVE YOUR PUBES!!!!”
So on the phone with her, they agree that I’ll cut them down and they are going to wax me when she comes over (didn’t happen)
But I did cut my shit off. Wasn’t as itchy as I though it would be. Here’s a pic of the hair in the toilet.
Fuck you can’t even see the toilet water. Yen now has images of my cock on his phone, which he’s already shown to certain pua’s. that’s slightly disturbing. Even more so that they found pics of my hairy cock entertaining.
Right then.
Around the time I’m shaving my not so endangered (or, more like, endangered) rainforest, my curiosity prompts a discussion on boy/boy/girl etiquette
I’m like “uh dude, what if you come in her mouth? Then I can’t make out with her anymore. So you can't come in her mouth at all. Right? are you with me on this?? And, you can’t stick it in her ass. Certainly our ability to recieve blowjobs would be compromised if one of us were to stick it in her ass. so let's leave it out, son! So we have to make out right, then it’s vaginal sex right (we’re using condoms so that’s fairly sanitary) then head, without coming, and then if you fuck her in the ass, well I’m just done with it at that point. It was kind of along those lines but funnier… that bit doesn't carry over for some reason. but it was funny at the time.
Ok, so before she comes over I run down to the shop and I get some ingredients and come up. He’s shaving… I say “check it out!” while holding a big pineapple up. “I though we’d make her life a bit easier….”
Yen “huh? What”
“you know. For her. Cemen. Taste.”
Yen “ah, right”
Sasha “come on, that was good - me turning up with the pinapple. It's funny because it's a joke!"
Also, I cut off my yucky belly hair. She comes over and I get her to help picking out some clothes out of yen’s arsenal. None of his shit fits except this one pair of super thick biker boots. There was this one pair of super cool boots but… why cant’ he have bigger feet?? So I wore this old WW2 shnitzel boots. There was no heel on them, it was like walking on bare floor. “quit your moanin!” he yells at me. Fine fine. They backcomb my hair and hairspray it and I look like a nuclear bomb is going of on my head. Not had gone of, is going off
Here’s the pic:
I say it’s shit, and the woman agreess. (sorry buddy) .. She back combs the rest of my hair and then I look much much better. Awesome in fact! I’m going to do this with my hair all the time!!!
Yen takes around 2 fucking hours to get ready. They keep just mucking about. I’m like his mom “dude its 1am and we’re still here. What’s the point of showing up at 3am to the club??” and I actually shoo the woman away and follow her downstairs so he can get ready. Yen is such a blabbermouth! SHADAP!!
Anyways EVENTUALLY we get our asses to the club. We cab it. We get in. I see one girl with a hot bod, not great face. Then we get up there and I’m like uhhhh where are the hot chix? There were none. NONE. Like a couple of nice bodies but always ALWAYS on ugly motherfuckers. Shit!! Oh well. We only came out to really hang with her and build some confort before bringing her back. So we dance around. Yen had a drink or two. He’d lead her into the club by her hand and wave at me to take her hand… etc which I do. I realize we have to escalate things equally so I get more and more friendly with her throughout the night. At some point on the dance floor Yen asks “Have you snogged her yet?” and I say “no, have you?” and he said “yeah!! Do it!” so a couple mins later I make out with her.
There’s a sex show with 3 girls which wasn’t bad. They had hot bodies but .. you guessed they were UGLY. What the fuck?
We end up on the couch the 3 of us getting pretty friendly. All kissing/massaging/caressing (well, us two with her, not with each other. Yet
Around 5am we get the fuck out, head back.
(EDIT - almost forgot this running gag)
In the taxi back from the club, Yen makes out with Hbspitroast. Then, she goes to kiss me, and just before our lips touch Yen says
"dude, this is my local cabbie" .... harumph!! hahaha we crack up!
Minutes later we're in the shop outside his house, about to get some yum yum's. He's making out with her. I go to make out with her. Yen says "dude, this is my local shop" ... harumph!!
oh, here's a shot of us at the club with my awesome new haircut!!
We’re on the couch. Yen puts a Johnny depp movie sleepy hollow. I will never look at johnyy depp the same way again.
We start touchin her up and taking her clothes off, and she says “you guys can only have a certain amount of fun due due to … female issues…” which kinda is a relief. I don’t have to be fucking in front of yen! Yay! Anyways, we start playing with her boobs, teasing her. She says “hey I’m almost naked, how come you guys have your clothes on? It’s no fair!” … well we start to undress…. She goes for my cock but I’m not hard. I’m scared! So then she goes for Yen Jr. She starts blowing him like 2 feet from my face. I’m a little freaked out. I don’t wanna see his dick. I’m scared it will make me gay. I have to say, this is the closest I’ve been to a sexual act, or another guy’s dick since around 1999/2000 when I was in an “almost threesome” with Mystery.… soooo I’m kinda shitting myself. He’s getting blown harder and harder, then he’s kinda fingering her as well and he almost blows his load. Now he’s like RIGHT next to me and the first weird bit was looking at him with his cum face on. I actually had my hand in front of my face so I couldn’t see his eyes. Fortunately I’d already seen his come face because he’d shown me all the vids of him fucking his girlfriends. The other scary part was, what if he blows his load and hits me in the face. He’s a target shooter like me and I know this because yen is not one to keep his capabilities secret. We should have a shoot off, see who can knock over the most cans but that would be even gayer that what i'm about to recite.... anyways during his BJ i just kept making jokes and she had to stop blocking him over and over again cuz she was lauging too much. I was a total cock block. hahahah (well, vagina block??
) hehehe .... the jokes were funny but i can't remember them. can you yen?? We were all cracking up but i have no idea what i'd said. ah well. "you better not come in my ear, fuckface!!" was one thing.
So he’s had his BJ sessionand guess what. Nothing is happening for me. Down there. Hmmmmmm
At some point he tried to hit me with his boner. I’m like “don’t do it dude! Don’t be crazy!!” he’s like swinging it around and shit. I'm blocking with the couch pillows... I felt fear. GENUINE FEAR! you know like when you're about to get into a fight, or you look down when you're on a cliff and you know you can die? the fight or flight reflex? I FELT THAT WITH HIM WAVING AROUND HIS COCK!! WTF?? eventually my defenses go down and HE WHACKS MY FOOT WITH HIS COCK!! EWWW AAAAAAAH YOU FUCKKKING FAAAG! GROOOOOOSSSSSS!!!!!! (Till this point, that is my gayest moment ever. man's penis on my foot. keep that in mind)
So anyways, back to me. I'm having penis stragefright! After 12 years in show business, I finally get stage fright. Hahahah! Can you imagine? I’ve been in front of 500 people telling jokes, but to get my knob out in front of one fellah and a hot babe who is rearing to go… sigh…. Yen says “let’s go up to the bed guys…”
At this point I think my shit ain’t gonna work. It’s late. I’m tired. I’ve given up on my cock. Life sucks. I hate myself. This was a stupid idea. Blah blah blah. I say to yen “you have fun, it’s not happening for me” and he said “don’t be stupid, come upstairs!”
For a moment I actually consider just going to sleep on the couch downstairs. It would just be ackward, a man without an erection watching 2 other people go at it. hahaha. funny that. Then I figure, I'll just go up for a cuddle, you know. Be social.
So I go up there, … she wants to make out and I’m like “ I can’t, you've had Yen cock in your mouth!” and she says “I drank some water!” I say “nevertheless, your cock has been in her mouth!!” … they tell me i'm just being stupid. I think ok, I'll kiss her a bit.... I make out, and then I look up, bewildered…. I smack my lips.... I look up at Yen. “Dude, I can taste you…..”
GROOOOOSSSSSSSSSSS FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK GAY GAY GAY OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD
Till today I was scared to taste even my own cum but another man’s!!? WTF?!?! THIS IS SO MUCH GAYER THAN ANYTHING I HAVE EVER EVER EVER IMAGINED DOING EVER. THIS IS SO MUCH GAYER AND HAVING YEN'S COCK TOUCH MY FOOT.
(remember that this is my gayest moment, up till this point in my life
and once again it’s the Dr Yen sex show for a while. He fucks her in the mouth for some time and then seems to fall asleep.
I think alright. Now I can get some rest.
She turns to me. Uh oh.
She gives me a look. Uh oh.
She caresses me. Uh oh. Hang on… that feels good….
Wait what’s this. Sasha’s cock is up!! OH YEAAA!
Like literally withing 30 seconds of yen being asleep I was hard as a fucking rock!! She goes to down. NIiiiice!!! I just couldn’t do it in front of yenners!!
Yen wakes up. I get my hard on next to his face and I say “hey look who’s awake. I’m going to hit your face with my dick. Payback’s a BITCH, MOTHERFUCKER!!” and I move toward his head. He LEAPS out of bed and I chase him around the room. I’m swinging my shit around like a light saber. He’s actually got each of his hands on my shoulder holding me back as I’m swinging my erection around in front of him. Hahahah. It was hilarious. I should have chased him down the stairs hehe
We get back in bed and yen goes back to sleep. She goes back down on me… I got some anal play from her as well, which was really nice. … actually no it wasn’t anal play, she stuck her finger right up my ass and I came properly. Oops. Yep, I came in Yen’s bed! Hahaha. Well I was in his bed, I came in her mouth. Now, here’s where it gets interesting.
Yen woke up and they started at it again. He’s making out with her and I’m laughing… eventually I say to him “you know I blew in her mouth” and he said
“yea I’d noticed”
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Now THAT’s officially the gayest thing I’ve ever seen. Before that, I'd just tasted eau de yen's precum. But hey, he made out with a girl after I blew in her mouth. I win. Sasha +1 heheh.
Anyways they are not stopping and eventually I say “look I’m going to get some rest in the other room, you horny fucker!!”
I come to, 2.5 hours later and they are still at it! WTF!! Don’t you ever sleep??
“oh we were just starting up as you came in” … the lying fuck
I take some pics, including the famous “yen’s penis puppetry video” hahaha it’s so cute! (very fruity) …. i'll try embed it onto my blog if anyone is truly gay and thinks they can handle it.
Anyways we just hang out, and more head was given, and taken and around 5pm I have to roll out. Now, I'm sure Yen will be happy to fill in what happened after I'd left..... he was there so i'll leave it up to him... i'll only say that she'd come off her period sometime on sat, so you can imagine..... Yes, He'd had a whole day with her, and yes, he was very, very tired on sunday. hehe....
**edit almost forgot our running gag
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