Malta update. Some funny shit involving an imaginary judge and an underage girl.

March 13th

I should have written some shit earlier in the week but I’m a lazy cunt. I’ll try remember what I can:

I’ve been in Malta the last week. My friend “Natural Dave” lives here. If you haven’t read my blog in the past, he’s an old friend of mine from Canada. He has some really sick game. I’ll leave it at that. My friend Dunners came to visit me from London, and my buddies T and J from Denmark. Duners left on Sunday waaah. But we had some good times. Ok here’s a re-cap so far.

Went out last night. TUESDAY! Fucking sux in Malta during the off season. There is a whole lot of nuthin’ going on. Na ‘meen? For real! Nevertheless we spoke to some women but the quality was far from spectacular. The only cute girls werea group of 17 year old Italian girls. Couple of them were HOT. Illegal in Malta – Morally on the border of my morals. My moral Border. That sounds funny.

Moral Border.

Oh what great adventures can be found there. What dodgy, great adventures. Hehe. I have to say, a couple of those 17 year olds were hot. But, we didn’t go there. Though I think I might have. I know it’s wrong, but damn. Those were some sexy girls. the longer I’m in this the more my morals plummet. Fantastic. At this rate I’ll be makin love to babies by around 2011. That sounds like a great presidential running slogan. “fucking babies by 2011”

I was sucked into one set that was just shiiiiit. 3 boring, unattractive girls. I mean, what the fuck dude? It’was a 3 set, and 3 of us. So I can’t just bail, right? But FUCK. I’ve said before that if my wing opens an ugly ass boring set I am NOT WINGING. Well I did it anyways. I am a wonderful human being. But it was painful, PAINFUL.

WE’ve formed a theory on Malteese girls. They have no game. None. They have no idea how to interact with guys they like. We’ll talk to some girls who are fuckin borin (then later when we’re leaving they give us ioi’s (what, you guys are leaving already? Where are you going?) … though they just sat around and said nothing while we were tryin to chat them up. Unreal.

We finally checked out the strip clubs (they’d been in once before and had repoted on the poor quality of girls)

Yep, the first one was BRUUUUTAL. The guy let’s us take a “free look” promising the high caliber of girls. BRUUUUUUTAL. I wouldn’t sleep with any of these girls for FREE. DAAAAM. Like UGLY, or in some cases, FAT and UGLY. NIIICEEEEeee

I tell the guy we have to go or we have to pay, but they are chatting with these strippers. The guy is poking me like “ok buddy u guys have to pay 17 euro’s” (he was charging just 2 of us as he’s friend’s with dave” .. weird as 2 x 7 is 14, not 17. Anyways I realize trying to talk to Danish pua’s while they are talking to scantily clad fat strippers in near impossible so I walk out. The door guy then harassed them and they promply left.

Ok like one girl has a nice rack, but was fat. And another one was kinda pretty but that was it.

I left the guys early (2am) as I’d had it but nipped into this other (Free) stripclub. There were actually 3 cute girls in there, I was amazed! One kept stealing my favorite shades and could not be trusted. She wouldn’t give them back, I had to steal them back when she wasn’t expecting it. I got bored after about 10 mins and left…

I run into the boys (hello) who check out the second strip club… they left after 3 mins. We all head back

In the morning we piss around on the roof and get a bit of sun. Wrestle a bit. I get attacked by T while holding an impromptu bow staff. I could have fucked him up good … who attacks someone holding a weapon? I have some small scratches on my hand….

Then they left to the airport!! I’m sad L

Now I’m in Malta…all alone, with my friend natural dave and my fuck buddy from the last trip…

That’s right! She wanted to hook up …yaaaaaaaay as she’s very hot. She’s outta here on Sunday but I’ll see her again tomorrow. Right now she’s shopping in Slima. SHOPPING when we could be fucking. What the hell is that???

When I hooked up with her a few nights ago, she was like “ I’m on my period, no noo” blah blah I fucked her and it was fine. What was she moaning about? Dave says the blood dries up if they get horny? I dunno. Are they actually worried we care they are bleeding a bit or what?? I don’t know.

Oh – she doesn’t know how to swim. How weird is that? 22 and can’t swim. It’s weird. And she just learned how to ride a bike! Hahaha. Hey, she comes from a little town in east Russia, so who knows. Her nickname should have been “farmer girl” not “tiny” as it was. Heh. I’ve teased a lot of girls with “farmer” but it’s never really applied like this before. Hehe.

Oh yea, how can I forget this: I met this other hot Russian girl. She seemed very keen, (called me twice) … we go for coffee’s. I’m joking around and it’s going ok. I made one joke she didn’t like about her mom (was a pretty general type of joke) but she got all serious. Then she says “my mom was a virgin when she got married at 24 and I’m a virgin too” … cooooool

What does a pua say to that? “not for long, bitch?” heh… anyways thru the date if I even made some kinda rude joke she’s be like “don’t talk about that! You’re corrupting me!” hahaha it was weird, but in retrospect fucking hilarious. That would be a funny character in a show. Sexy virgin girl. We actually had a pretty good time. I ran into my old FB while I was hanging with her (we’d texted, she figured she’d run into me in pacevill (the club area) as it’s very small. So, I rock into this one bar with one girl in each hand feeling like a pimp. Then like 5 mins later the virgin says “I’m going to borrow her for a minute” and leaves with her! My new set stole my old set!

WHAT THE FUCK

I run into them again outside and get rid of the virgin to go catch up with my old FB. We talk and she lets me know she’s not with anybody and didn’t hook up with some other guys cuz she was leaving soon and knew I was coming back into town. Sweet – this means I am gonna be getting laid for the next week J … she mentioned the virgin girl was acting like they were best friends. She’d done that with me too. We decide we don’t like her right after my 2nd set # closes my first set. Jesus.

Oh – also that night I saw this girl who was pretty close to a 10 dancin around. One of the ones so hot I was a bit frazzled. I opened her friend (who was also hot but more plump than I like) and joked around with her a bit. Then I ran into her later and joked around with her, told her I loved her friend. I told her I had hot friends in town and we should all hang. We exchange numbers

Only she looks at pics of us and she decided she likes T (I big him up too)

She comes to meet us for a bit while we get coffee and cakes but has to run off to meet someone. We go to leave, but I’d forgotten my sweater in the café so I go back for it and as I pass her again she urges me to save her from this guy. I put me arm around her and we walk off. It wasn’t her date, it was some religious guy being weird…. She said her friend flaked on her and she wants to go to the beach and chill with us. We go meet the guys. In the next 45 minutes T gamed the shit out of her and she was ready to fuck. Unfortunately she revealed she was, in fact, 17 and not 18 like she’d told me. This puts him off (illegal on this island. Although, if she’s been fucked before, that IS a legal defense) haha how cool is that? Especially if she’s a bit of a “party girl”

“Your honour – I’d like to bring into evidence, 35 horny guys who all claim to have had sex with the witness. I believe we will conclusively prove that she is not a virgin in the traiditional sense, or any any other sense, as is happens”

Attorney: Objection! The witnesses anal virginity is not in question!

Judge: “Sustained. Let’s keep the questions relevant to the penetration of the witness’s vagina”

Attorney “I’m sorry your honour….”

Ahahahah. Now that IS fuckin funny.

Anyways she kept texting me – eventually I arrange for her to come round but she chickened out last minute! She kept textin about him after that too. Fucking kids, eh? (no pun intended)

There were some other nights out but not a lot happened. I think I got most of it. Hope you enjoyed.

I am a funny fucker. I actually cracked myself up there. Originally, the judge said “The witnesses anal virginity is not in question! “ which may be funnier. However, the way I have it down we get an extra punchine from the judge after. Meh. It works.