Feeling poopy / final seth with my Russian FB

March15th

My “Malteese GF” (the Russian) just left here. It it wasn’t for me setting aside my pride, I wouldn’t have seen her last night.

Here’s the scoop.

Basically, it’s like 1am and I’m still in the house. I don’t really feel like going out. I know I SHOULD go out for the following reasons. Malta is DEAD during the week. There’s nobody around at all. So, it being Saturday, I should really get out there. Plus, the Russian is flying out Sunday afternoon back to Russia. If I go into town there is a good chance I’ll hook up with her. Even still, I really really had to forcemyself.

She’d flaked on me the last couple of times I thought I’d get her over. On thur she called to hang out – we walked and had coffee and – actually I wanted to spend some time with her out of the bedroom as I actually like this girl. However, after the walking and talking, I wanted to fuck. (surprise!) … but she had stuff on. Then on Saturday during the day we were supposed to meet at 4. I woke up around then but went back to sleep and woke up at 6pm. No, I don’t have a day job. Fuck you :P

Anyways – I call her and she’s like “oh I had to pack, and now I have to get ready for my graduation party!”

Also, on Friday she could have been over in the day fucking me, but she went shopping instead. What the fuck??? To me, that’s retared. I mean, come on. I’m good in bed and everything!

I’d just presumed I suppose she’s want to get laid as much as possible before leaving the island and I guess I took it personally that she didn’t care too much (or was acting that way) (or figured she’s see me at some point)

Anyways when I called her I wasd a dick on the phone. I was like “oh what are we going to just say bye on the phone?” and she’s like “I guess” (but in that tone of voice where I know she doesn’t mean it) … and I’m like “ok…it was nice to meet you” and she’s let “oh come on!” … and I just said “ok well, bye….”

So pretty gay. Then I was going to sent her a text sayin I wanted to see her but I realized that any text I sent at that point would be coming from a needy place and be full of weak sauce so I didn’t do shit

Eventually when I was in town, I saw some hot girls but really wasn’t in the mood. I opened a couple but I let most go by. Went into some clubs and just wasn’t into it. Around 3am I’m ready to leave. I thought “fuck it, she hasn’t called me so forget her. I can get laid easier than her anyways” …

But then I though it was my reactiveness that caused me not to get laid the night before. It was my fault. So I though “fuck it!”

I guess I pictured vin rames outta pulp fiction. You know that scene (spoiler altert) where he’s telling bruce willis he has to take a fall in the boxing ring? 2 words. I’m paraphrasing but he basically says “when you’re in that ring you’re goin to feel a slight stin. That’s pride fuckin with you…

FUCK PRIDE

Ok well, I wasn’t paraphrasing. I found the clip on youtube so I can assure you that’s exactly what he says.

FUCK PRIDE

I can text her, and get laid

Or, I can be stubborn and let her leave the country

So I just texted saying it would be nice to say goodbye in person

Bout 10 mins later she calls and we arrange to meet in front of hugo’s.

Her friend is there – she knows what’s up and excuses herself. She is drunk and says “ I wanna get more drunk!” … I’m like “hey, I got vodka at my house!”

Now, I feel a bit weird. I’m trying to get a girl over with BOOZE that I’ve already been with. Haha. That’s not why we got that. But anyways…

She’s all “I don’t wanna come over to your house! I wanna go dance!!” …

I’m like, fuck it. Let’s dance, motherfucker!!

We’re in there, I buy her a drink (oh no! first one for her ever!!) and she goes to say bye to her friends. She cant’ find them. She comes back and I’m dancing alone. She stands there looking at me. I dance around some more. She still just stands there. I’m like, what are you retarded?? I go take her by the hand, bring her to where I was standing and then start dirty dancing with her.

What is she confused? How long would she have stood there watching me dance?? Wtf?? She IS a farmer.




We dance for like 10 mins and it closes.

Nothing else going on so we walk by to mine. She tries to get me to buy her cigarettes as she doesn’t have her wallet (that’s why I agreed to get her a drink btw) … but I’m like “I don’t think so! Hussle yourself a cigarette. Make your little cute face! You’re a girl!” but she’s shy about it

Of course, I make fast friends with this Italian guy outside who gives her a couple. I made a whole show of it – “this girl is going to sleep with me, but only if I get her a couple of cigarettes. You gotta help me out!!” … hahaha. It was funny. I tried to give the guy 50c but he wouldn’t take it.

I met a guy once who smoke for free all the time based on that principle. If you offer people money for a cigarette, they never take it. I told her about the guy and she’s like “you do that?” … I’m like “uhhh first time babe. All for you!”

You don’t have to be a smoker to see how that would work. Hmm.

Anywho we get back … we go on the couch and are hard core making out. I took her clothes off and ate her out on the couch. Then she gave me some head… she was on her knees and everything. If I were someone else that would get me hot, but really it was just a blowjob. I fucked her on the couch. After a bit I’m like “let’s go upstairs!” … we did everything. Went to bed at like 8am and woke up at 10 and fucked again

I came twice. I feel empty and drained and shit. Actually when I’m a bit depressed I find I’m more likely to want to ejaculate – it’s a temporary high. But after you feel even worse. Cumming is like taking extasy. It’s great in the moment but the next day…ughhhh

I told her I was goin to make her cum using my tongue, and I did (Yaaaaaaaaay)

Just to make sure in the morning I was like “hey u almost came there from my mouth” and she’s like “no, I did!!” … i couldn’t help it “and this morning?” … “yes then too” BOOM! 2 for 2!!

So, I’ll always be the first guy who made her cum from oral sex. That’s kinda cool.

Oh last night I’d asked her “hey would u have called me up if I hadn’t texted you?

She says “probably not!”

You see?????????? FUCK PRIDEE

I got this Japanese girl I could meet up with today I said I’d call but … I just couldn’t fuck right now if I wanted

It just occurred to me – the way I’d act right now around a hot girl would be perfect. i’ve just got laid. I couldn’t possibly have more sex. I wouldn’t act needy like I wanted something around even the hottest girl now cuz I really don’t care. I’d still flirt – it’s in my nature. I’d tease, joke, have fun. But there just wouldn’t be a trying to get laid vibe. Cuz I wouldn’t be.

What am I saying? Am I saying jerk off before you go out? Nah, get LAID before you got out. Haha. I know, not everyone has that option. But, just try and keep that in mind. You can be interested in someone but just not project u want something from them… this may seem obvious but it’s just more so after you’d drained yourself of your cemen

Oh we didn’t use a condom the 2nd time we fucked last night either. I joked about it and she’s like no! … so I used one and got rid of it. She was like begging me for more sex but I didn’t let her know I’d come – I just acted I like I was teasing her and kept goin down on her (she came so it worked out) … later I told her I’d come but it didn’t matter then.

Jesus Christ. Let me just say that my buddy T is the horniest cunt I know. He’ll literally fuck every single day no problem. 2, 3 girls in a day. It’s all good. I can’t do that. I’m guess when I was 22 I could come 6 times a day too so maybe it’s normal … jesus. I’m a long way from 22 and I’m only 30. but those 8 years are a motherfucker

To anyone who is young out there (see 25 and under)

FUCK. Fuck all you can. Get good at game NOW. FIND your weaknesses. WORK on them. You can’t just fuck like you can when you’re 20 your whole life…. So GET TO IT.

I’m thinking I should start taking zinc regularly and eat more fruits, nuts, and whatever as I’m not nearly horny enough. Or maybe it’s that I have sex quit a lot?

I asked her just now “hey what if I told u I was a player, that I had ho’s in different country codes!” … she’s like “I don’t think so” …. I asked why. She said “just a feeling”

It’s interesting that I can be a player, but I can and was being completely myself with every girl.

Let me repeat: I’m not changing, lying to, or bein anybody but myself with all the girls that I hook up with.

I’m just being me, with many girls.

I think I’ve finally come to terms with the cat that I can fuck many girls and be ok with it. I don’t know about “being emotionally attached” with many but just for sex it’s totally fine.

The other day I thought “ I can really appreciate the different aspects about thse girls. one has big boobs, one has a super hot bod, one is really hot and nice bod, blah blah. It’s cool – I can enjoy different things with different girls

I guess emotionally that could be done too but I haven’t been in the situation… I remember Mystery being adamant in about ’99 he could love more than one woman at once… I think I’m starting to see how it’s possible….

I guess I am turning into a player.